7.17.2006

Redhead's Rebuttal

So I come back from vacation to discover things heating up in the comments section after my last post, so I decided to bring the defence of my actions into the main section, as I know not everyone reads the comments.

First of all, I was with one guy for FOUR AND A HALF YEARS. I was faithful and I stuck it out until the relationship had run its course. I assumed I would marry the guy, but it didn't work out that way.

Second of all, read the blog carefully -- I never slept with the Juggler. I never slept with the Lawyer. Not Elvis. Not James. Not Skater Boi. Not Hockey Guy. Not Band Boy. Not New Guy. Not all 15 guys at Speed Dating. I went on many dates with many guys and I never slept with them. I'm sure I could have in some cases...but I didn't. So I'm not sure what message you think I'm sending out?

Many of these stories are from a few years ago, not last week. Granted, I slept with a number of guys after my four and a half year relationship ended, but I think I had every right to do so after FOUR AND A HALF YEARS of REALLY BAD SEX. I've had my fun and made my mistakes and I'm looking for something serious now. I most certainly do NOT jump into the sack with just anyone.

I have been looking for something to develop into a long term relationship and I make it clear with these guys that I begin with dating and go from there. If I meet someone I really like and things are going in the right direction, then I'm not going to hold out and play games. I have needs. I'm human. My vibrator is broken. Before PR Guy, I didn't sleep with anyone for almost a year (although there were opportunities), so I think that says something about me.

PR Guy and I had been on a handful of dates and were moving in such a forward direction that he was meeting my friends (who are my family in Toronto), and they approved. They told me that we appeared to be a couple, and he seemed very "into" me. I have learned from past experiences that sexual chemistry is EXTREMELY important, and while I wouldn't sleep with a guy after the first few dates, I am not going to hold out forever and screw up a good thing that way, either. If the timing and the situation feel right, then I am going to go with my instincts. And as my friend mentioned (and thank you for defending me, by the way), why shouldn't I put my heart on the line for someone I think could make me happy? I am an Aquarian -- it's what I do. I am trying my damnedest to keep from becoming cynical and bitter (and I must admit, it is becoming increasingly difficult), and if I don't take a chance every now and then, I will never even reach the point of finding someone who makes me happy. Honestly, even if this doesn't work out with PR Guy (who sent me a text message last week to say that he hoped I was having a good vacation, and we are making plans for this week), I have no regrets.

So now I'm curious and I'm going to take a poll (and I know there are a lot of you reading this who never speak up, so it's time to do so): How long should a girl wait? I'm not talking fuck buddy, short term, fling, or one night stand here. If things are progressing towards a serious relationship, what period of time tips the scales from slut to serious? It appears to be a fine line, so I want it defined for me. I would like to hear from everyone - guys and girls included.

Merci beaucoup.

5 comments :

  1. Anonymous9:14 AM

    Oh, snap!! I love the comeback.

    Ok, how long should you wait? Wait until you want to have sex with somebody, and you're comfortable enough with them to rub their bits against your bits, and then have sex with them. I don't buy into this strategic sex nonsense. You don't sleep with people because you think it will or will not convince them to stay with you. That's just slutty. It's basically whoring yourself for committment instead of money. And you don't wait until your friends think it is an appropriate time; your friends are not your pimp, and have no business in your pants (notwithstanding what might happen after a lot of drinks). You sleep with somebody because you want to sleep with them and they want to sleep with you.

    Now, you like sleeping with this guy. That's awesome! Maybe it will work out long term. Maybe it won't work out long term. But if it doesn't, at least you had fun while it lasted. You're going to run across lots and lots of douchebags before you find somebody you really connect with, so what is the point of spending all that time depriving yourself?

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  2. Anonymous6:09 PM

    I agree with the above. If everything feels right, go for it. It doesn't matter if its 1 date or 50 dates, things feel good, then knock yourself out. The hell what other ppl say, its your life and only you know whats right and wrong for you.

    Its good to know that some ppl are still getting some, i think my virginati has grown back on me.

    Yes i'm a virgin.....wait, is that a good thing or bad??

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  3. Anonymous6:49 PM

    It's funny how you automatically thought the message is that your a slut....That was not what I was talking about there are many messages you can send to guys without even knowing it ie, needie, desperate, layed back, defensive. Maybe your none, my point was be careful not to get caught up and project a message that really isn't you.

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  4. Anonymous9:14 PM

    Sounded to me like you were calling her a slut.

    Messages, shmessages. Guys don't get messages, they're dense, they're clueless...they're guys.

    No one can tell you when to sleep with someone, only you know when the time is right.

    There's too many Dr. Ruth wannabe's in this world.

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  5. Anonymous12:31 PM

    FROM AN OLD FRIEND. MAKE HIM WORK TO BE WORTHY OF DOING IT, THIS WILL BE MUCH MORE SPECIAL TO YOU BOTH, IT WILL BE INTAMICY NOT JUST S E X. THIS IS ONLY IF YOU WANT A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM, IF NOT, THEN DO IT WHEN YOU WANT.

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