7.26.2006

Assholapalooza

So I've been having a really rotten couple of weeks, between my pet newt dying, crazy deadlines at work, my hair straightener breaking ($150 to replace!), and ridiculous office politics (a co-worker has not been speaking to me for months, and yesterday we find out it's because she thinks I'm too quiet -- WTF?)

Anyways, so last night was the icing on the fucking cake. PR Guy and I had made plans to see Clerks II at Yonge and Eglington at 8. I met him at the theatre and he gave me a hug, but no kiss. I felt not good about this.

As we walked up to the counter, I said, "And how would you like to see this movie...for free?" and pulled two free passes out of my purse that I had been saving for a rainy day.

He smiled and said, "Sure!"

We headed into the theatre and took our seats, but he didn't put his arm around me or grab my hand as he had when we had gone to movies previously. Something wasn't right...my intuition was sending uneasy signals my way. I tried to ignore it and watch the movie, but once again couldn't shake the feeling.

The movie, by the way, was AWESOME, and I highly recommend it, especially if you're a Kevin Smith fan.

After the movie, we walked down Yonge St. towards my place and I said, "Hey, is everything okay with you?"

PR Guy said, "Yeah, everything is fine, why?"

"I don't know...you've just seemed very distant lately. Very not yourself. I was just wondering if everything was okay...to be honest, I wasn't sure if you wanted to go out again."

He looked at me and said, "I don't know what would have given you that idea -- everything is fine."

"Okay, well that's good. Sorry -- I didn't mean to freak you out...I was just wondering," I replied.

He looked at me again, "I don't know what you want me to say to that."

"Oh no, nothing, sorry, call me crazy," I said and laughed.

We continued to walk down the street, talking about the upcoming TOOL concert and going to the Phoenix soon, as he had never been. Again, I grew concerned that he didn't bother trying to take my hand or put his arm around me. He was acting so aloof and distant that I imagined he was going to say goodbye at my driveway and walk back to the subway, but instead, he took the lead and headed towards my apartment door. OooooOOOookay, I thought, and followed him.

I brought him a glass of water and we sat in my livingroom, but on the bench instead of the couch. Weird.

He said, "You okay? You're acting kinda weird."

Me? Me weird? Seriously? I laughed and said, "Okay, so I think you're being weird and you think I'm being weird and there's just a whole lotta weird happening."

"Okay, well if you think I've been acting distant, there IS a reason for it..." he trailed off.

The silence was so thick, I swear to God you could have sliced it with a knife. It hung in the air between us as I waited for him to finish the sentence. When he didn't, I said, "Which would be?"

"There's someone else," he blurted out, like he was angry. He said it with spite, like I'd forced it out of him at gunpoint or something. Meanwhile, I was sitting there wishing I DID have a fucking gun, and feeling like I'd just been punched in the stomach.

When I didn't say anything, he continued, "I met her before you and we always talked about getting together and she's recently become single and it's just...well you went away on vacation and I was trying to figure out how I felt about you. I didn't see you for two weeks and I didn't feel the NEED to see you, which I thought was a pretty good indicator."

I was silent and staring at the floor in disbelief. He was sitting there, petting Willow and saying these things that were not necessary and making it worse and I slept with him and this couldn't be happening again, not again. And I wished he would stop petting Willow and just get out, just get the fuck out because I needed to cry and I needed to breathe and he had to get out.

"I mean, I like you and I want to continue to see you, but not romantically. I'd rather end something short term than long term, and I just don't think this would have worked out long term. I wanted to tell you in person, not over the phone. And -- are you okay?" he said.

"I'm fine," I replied, "I knew."

"I don't know how you knew...I didn't think I was being weird...when did you know?"

"Just before I went on vacation. I knew."

"Well nothing was happening then."

"I still knew."

"Do you want to say anything?" he asked.

"No."

The thick silence returned.

"Um, okay, awkward silence...I think I should go," he said.

"I think that's a really good idea," I replied.

As he was leaving, he gave me a hug and told me that he still wants to be friends, and to call him anytime. Uhm, yeah, I'll get right the fuck on that. Idiot.

And that was that.

I'm aware that there are things I should have confronted him about, such as the asshole move of going to a movie with me BEFORE admitting there was someone else (not to mention allowing me to use my free passes), and then DENYING it when I first confronted him about his distant behaviour, but I was upset and spun and just wanted him out. I honestly don't know if he would have even told me the truth, except for the fact that I called him on it and kept pushing it. He likely would have just been around less and less until finally pulling the disappearing act, like so many of these other guys.

Anyways, I'm done. It's time I took a dating hiatus, because enough is enough. I told friends that if this guy screwed me over, I wouldn't bounce back from it well, and everyone thinks a break is a good idea. The déjà vu isn't funny anymore and it's time to focus on myself -- I really feel I deserve better than all this shit. They say that it will happen when you're not looking, so this is me, not looking.

Don't worry faithful blog readers -- I still have plenty of stories to tell you, so the blog will still be updated!

4 comments :

  1. Anonymous10:19 AM

    I'm so sad for you. I can't believe this is happening to you again.

    I think it's because of a certain someone else....you know who you are...so get finish sowing those wild oats already.... I’m getting impatient with you…..

    Hmmm...look at that, and I'm not even drunk...just completely obnoxious all by myself.

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  2. Anonymous7:35 AM

    I think we should all get together and go break his legs.....Who's in??

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous2:58 PM

    Woo hoo!! At least I'm not alone in my frustration....in for sure...

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  4. Anonymous6:28 PM

    huh? I don't get the other comments... What an ass this guy was.

    ReplyDelete